Clearway gets Mr Q on-line and catches up with what he’s been up to these days.
CW: Would you please identify yourself?
Q: This is Q.
CW: Thanks for coming on-line Mr Q.
Q: Shoot.
CW: No, we are not here to shoot you Mr Q!
Q: Hmm. I mean, shoot the Questions.
CW: Where are you now?
Q: Argentina.
CW: Why have you been dodging the Indian authorities all these years?
Q: I was dodging them. I am not dodging them now.
CW: So, are you willing to surrender?
Q: Of course.
CW: Then why are you not doing that?
Q: Your Government has no treaty with Argentina.
CW: But that’s only for extradition. Why don’t you surrender?
Q: Because if I do, there isn’t any guarantee for my life.
CW: Do you mean you are perceived as a threat to Indian big shots?
Q: No comments.
CW: Why is your extradition taking so much time?
Q: Because the reports need to be translated.
CW: But the Indian Ambassador to Argentina said the reports were already translated when they were sent to India.
Q: I’m talking of the reports that your Investigation Bureau sent in Hindi to Argentina.
CW: What do you think of our CBI?
Q: They have been looking for me since the times of Rajiv.
CW: What do you have to say about BOFORS?
Q: I hear the CBI officers are well paid. Let them do some work.
CW: How is your relationship with the ruling dynasty?
Q: Extremely pleasant and amicable.
CW: Mr Fernandez says Mr Vajpayee had instructed against acting on your file.
Q: Fernandez is one of your country’s acute and chronic problems.
CW: Are you aware that Q is the most popular English letter in India these days?
Q: I thank the media for all the publicity.
CW: Why do you think the BOFORS case is so important?
Q: The importance of any case depends on the number of heads that could roll with it.
CW: If you were an Indian, what would you have been?
Q: A politician. I could have earned much more and need not have gone underground.
CW: Why are there so many scams and scandals?
Q: Scams and Scandals are like Item Numbers in Bollywood movies. They spice up life. The media sells by publishing them, the public enjoys reading about them, the government stays on power blaming each other, and we live our lives swindling. They are a blessing for everyone.
CW: What do you think of India?
Q: It’s a good place to do business in.
CW: So, if invited, would you start a business in India?
Q: Well, I already have some invitations. I’m just waiting for some fresh passports.
CW: We heard you had an aversion towards dogs?
Q: Yes. They need to be killed at a rate of a thousand a day.
CW: But where do you think they could be killed in such large numbers?
Q: While I was in India, I had visited the Parliament and a few Legislative Assemblies. They are spacious halls with a good capacity.
CW: And then?
Q: Hold fresh elections.
CW: What’s your message to the Indian government?
Q: If you keep searching for me for some more time, I would die of old age.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
In a Democracy, Every "Bandh"ar is a King: Total Bandh!
Question: What is a "Bandh"?
Answer: Something that we do when we don't exactly know what to do.
Q: Why do you call for a Bandh?
A: In simple terms, we call for a Bandh because the Bandh can't call for itself.
Q: Who called for this particular Bandh?
A: The rivermen, the fishermen, the agricultural sons of the land and the village boys.
Q: Was this Bandh a success or a failure?
A: It was a resounding success.
Q: How do you say it was a success?
A: Because the objective was achieved unanimously and unambiguously.
Q: And what was the objective?
A: Next question please.
Q: Could you define a Bandh please?
A: It is a medium of expression, a birth right, a protocol.
Q: What did you express with this particular Bandh?
A: We expressed our solidarity and our immense sense of hurt with the verdict forced upon us.
Q: But they say the verdict is actually in your favour!
A: Really? Well, we need time to go through the intricacies of the verdict. Will comment later.
Q: What do you say of the team of people who studied the issue meticulously and pronounced the judgement?
A: A bunch of Jack ***es.
Q: Then why did you not protest the bunch of . . er . . I mean, the jury when it was initially formulated to study the issue?
A: We did not know that they would give a verdict so soon. We thought they would take a few more years before pronouncing the judgement.
Q: A few more years . . ?
A: Yes. This was a hotch-potch. This was an eye-wash. It is impossible to come to a judgement so soon.
Q: Why so?
A: Why? Because this is a flowing issue. You can not analyse something that is moving, you see? First, they should have stopped the river, taken the sample and then analysed it.
Q: Well . . . do you know which issue we are talking about???
A: Next question.
Q: Okay. You declared the Bandh to express your sense of hurt. Did your government work on other issues while you expressed yourself?
A: Other issues? Like?
Q: You see, most roads are bad in the city. You could have utilised the total lack of traffic to repair the roads in full swing. If you had done that, you could have expressed yourself and at the same time, you could have done something great, something that's very much the need of the hour and critical. And you dont have to cause traffic congestions at peak hours repairing roads.
A: Hmm . . . that's a good idea. It is your fault that you did not suggest this earlier. How irresponsible can you be!!!
Q: Me? Oh . . well . . in that case, now that I have suggested this, what are you going to do with the idea?
A: We are going to declare a Bandh every week. Every Monday, there will be a Bandh!
Q: Whhaattt?
A: Yes. Sunday is Government holiday. And we will be very eager to work on Monday. And as you said, the traffic and officegoers are a bad disturbance to us while we repair the roads.
Q: Well, I said *you* were a disturbance to the traff . . .
A: Yes, that's what I said. So, every Monday will be a Bandh. And we will repair the roads on Mondays, so that infrastructure in the city becomes outstanding. We want to set an example to the world.
Q: But don't you need a reason to call for a Bandh?
A: Of course. We are not idiots. The corporation water will be let open once a week, on Mondays. Since that reminds us of the burning issue of water, we will declare Mondays, Bandh Days.
Q: But then, the city gets water daily in most places, at least, once in two days.
A: That was the situation before the bunch of Jack ***es gave their verdict. Now, the sons of the land have been put to so much of hardship by the insensitive jury that we will have enough water only for one day a week.
Q: Finally, are you going to abide by the verdict?
A: No. We will appeal to the International Court of Justice against the injustice.
Q: The International Court? Why?
A: Why??? How can we give water to our rival nation when we dont have enough water for our own country???
Q: Excuse me . . . could you please tell us the name of your continent?
A: India, of course. Now, dont ask me what's the name of my country!
Answer: Something that we do when we don't exactly know what to do.
Q: Why do you call for a Bandh?
A: In simple terms, we call for a Bandh because the Bandh can't call for itself.
Q: Who called for this particular Bandh?
A: The rivermen, the fishermen, the agricultural sons of the land and the village boys.
Q: Was this Bandh a success or a failure?
A: It was a resounding success.
Q: How do you say it was a success?
A: Because the objective was achieved unanimously and unambiguously.
Q: And what was the objective?
A: Next question please.
Q: Could you define a Bandh please?
A: It is a medium of expression, a birth right, a protocol.
Q: What did you express with this particular Bandh?
A: We expressed our solidarity and our immense sense of hurt with the verdict forced upon us.
Q: But they say the verdict is actually in your favour!
A: Really? Well, we need time to go through the intricacies of the verdict. Will comment later.
Q: What do you say of the team of people who studied the issue meticulously and pronounced the judgement?
A: A bunch of Jack ***es.
Q: Then why did you not protest the bunch of . . er . . I mean, the jury when it was initially formulated to study the issue?
A: We did not know that they would give a verdict so soon. We thought they would take a few more years before pronouncing the judgement.
Q: A few more years . . ?
A: Yes. This was a hotch-potch. This was an eye-wash. It is impossible to come to a judgement so soon.
Q: Why so?
A: Why? Because this is a flowing issue. You can not analyse something that is moving, you see? First, they should have stopped the river, taken the sample and then analysed it.
Q: Well . . . do you know which issue we are talking about???
A: Next question.
Q: Okay. You declared the Bandh to express your sense of hurt. Did your government work on other issues while you expressed yourself?
A: Other issues? Like?
Q: You see, most roads are bad in the city. You could have utilised the total lack of traffic to repair the roads in full swing. If you had done that, you could have expressed yourself and at the same time, you could have done something great, something that's very much the need of the hour and critical. And you dont have to cause traffic congestions at peak hours repairing roads.
A: Hmm . . . that's a good idea. It is your fault that you did not suggest this earlier. How irresponsible can you be!!!
Q: Me? Oh . . well . . in that case, now that I have suggested this, what are you going to do with the idea?
A: We are going to declare a Bandh every week. Every Monday, there will be a Bandh!
Q: Whhaattt?
A: Yes. Sunday is Government holiday. And we will be very eager to work on Monday. And as you said, the traffic and officegoers are a bad disturbance to us while we repair the roads.
Q: Well, I said *you* were a disturbance to the traff . . .
A: Yes, that's what I said. So, every Monday will be a Bandh. And we will repair the roads on Mondays, so that infrastructure in the city becomes outstanding. We want to set an example to the world.
Q: But don't you need a reason to call for a Bandh?
A: Of course. We are not idiots. The corporation water will be let open once a week, on Mondays. Since that reminds us of the burning issue of water, we will declare Mondays, Bandh Days.
Q: But then, the city gets water daily in most places, at least, once in two days.
A: That was the situation before the bunch of Jack ***es gave their verdict. Now, the sons of the land have been put to so much of hardship by the insensitive jury that we will have enough water only for one day a week.
Q: Finally, are you going to abide by the verdict?
A: No. We will appeal to the International Court of Justice against the injustice.
Q: The International Court? Why?
A: Why??? How can we give water to our rival nation when we dont have enough water for our own country???
Q: Excuse me . . . could you please tell us the name of your continent?
A: India, of course. Now, dont ask me what's the name of my country!
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Hang Him!
Day: 27 January, 2007; Saturday.
Time: 10:44 AM.
Place: C. V. Raman Road, BHEL Signal near Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore.
Signal Status: Red towards Yeshwantpur - Bombay/ Pune
Road Divider: Yellow Line.
Number of vehicles on the left side of the Yellow Line: Many.
Number of vehicles on the right (wrong) side of the Yellow Line: One
Type of Vehicle on the wrong side: Car.
Identity of the ONLY vehicle setting the Dirty Example: JUDGE – High Court of Karnataka
Time: 10:44 AM.
Place: C. V. Raman Road, BHEL Signal near Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore.
Signal Status: Red towards Yeshwantpur - Bombay/ Pune
Road Divider: Yellow Line.
Number of vehicles on the left side of the Yellow Line: Many.
Number of vehicles on the right (wrong) side of the Yellow Line: One
Type of Vehicle on the wrong side: Car.
Identity of the ONLY vehicle setting the Dirty Example: JUDGE – High Court of Karnataka
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Enter the New Year: Clearway 100
Clearway promises nothing new in 2007: The same wine, the same bottle, but just more vigour!
This year hasn’t begun in the best of notes. That makes it reason enough to report the Abhishek – Aishwarya’s engagement prime news to begin the New Year’s Blogging with. The most fantastic Bollywood pair has decided to make it all official after all the days of dating. And the two do look good together, don’t they?
The other news haven’t been all that bright: ULFA slaying humans in a fresh spree of violence, the Noida Serial Killing case that still seems to be unwinding to its full horror with loads of controversies about the modus operandi of the Noida Police Vs that of the CBI, yet another powerful son missing from the reaches of the law in Orissa, and of course, terror sneaking into South India reaching the corridors of IT companies at Bangalore – none of these would make a happy read if one were only too optimistic about the dawn of the New Year.
The government has its task cut out – reform! Reform has to be evident in every facet of the way the machinery functions. There is just not much choice left. If traces of terror are seen in Bangalore, it only means that the roots have already penetrated deep. If the CBI can unearth so many more bodies from the same damned places that the Noida police have been sleeping over for the past couple of weeks, it only indicates the poor state of affairs in State Police Departments, and the extent to which they have been ill-equipped to deal with exigencies. It would be no wonder if the serial killers found the police stations the best places to hide the bodies of their victims – it should come as no surprise should the CBI excavate bodies out of the walls of police stations! There is no room for complacence. Power doesn’t come free – the Prime Minister would be better advised to stay focussed on the tasks that he was elected for, rather than entering into the dirty trails of political rallies in Punjab seeking votes.
To end the beginning note this year, this is Clearway’s 100th post, in more than a year of its operations. While celebrating its century, Clearway promises never to take the road India’s politicians have cherished taking – enjoying the warmth of its position, no matter where! So, what is to be expected of Clearway in 2007? Nothing new – the same wine, the same bottle, but increased vigour! Clearway will pronounce verdicts on the good, the bad and the ugly. Where do you fit? You decide!
The other news haven’t been all that bright: ULFA slaying humans in a fresh spree of violence, the Noida Serial Killing case that still seems to be unwinding to its full horror with loads of controversies about the modus operandi of the Noida Police Vs that of the CBI, yet another powerful son missing from the reaches of the law in Orissa, and of course, terror sneaking into South India reaching the corridors of IT companies at Bangalore – none of these would make a happy read if one were only too optimistic about the dawn of the New Year.
The government has its task cut out – reform! Reform has to be evident in every facet of the way the machinery functions. There is just not much choice left. If traces of terror are seen in Bangalore, it only means that the roots have already penetrated deep. If the CBI can unearth so many more bodies from the same damned places that the Noida police have been sleeping over for the past couple of weeks, it only indicates the poor state of affairs in State Police Departments, and the extent to which they have been ill-equipped to deal with exigencies. It would be no wonder if the serial killers found the police stations the best places to hide the bodies of their victims – it should come as no surprise should the CBI excavate bodies out of the walls of police stations! There is no room for complacence. Power doesn’t come free – the Prime Minister would be better advised to stay focussed on the tasks that he was elected for, rather than entering into the dirty trails of political rallies in Punjab seeking votes.
To end the beginning note this year, this is Clearway’s 100th post, in more than a year of its operations. While celebrating its century, Clearway promises never to take the road India’s politicians have cherished taking – enjoying the warmth of its position, no matter where! So, what is to be expected of Clearway in 2007? Nothing new – the same wine, the same bottle, but increased vigour! Clearway will pronounce verdicts on the good, the bad and the ugly. Where do you fit? You decide!
Saturday, December 30, 2006
A Confession, a Conviction and a Caution - TATA
This is not a neutral perspective. This post is skewed – heavily – against the Indian heavy weight that is getting stronger by the day, and from this biased view point, is getting dangerously, obnoxiously haughty! This column from Clearway states in plain, unambiguous terms, that the giant machinery called Tata needs to be stopped on its paths as it keeps trampling upon the lives of ordinary citizens.
We sometimes get nauseatingly nationalistic, pathetically patriotic that we get emotionally attached to a brand that has risen above all odds to take Brand India to the international arena; a larger-than-life image that hinges very much to the ground-breaking revolutionary visions of a pioneer who is no more, a halo effect that has been transmitted and carried over to his next of generations, to someone who is merely a business man who is worried about his own wealth and his own company!
That most of what Tata does to the consumer is to rape him/ her and plunder him of his hard-earned money is obvious from the cacophony that came out of the blog world, with hundreds of victims of rape filing their FIR’s online. (For more details, a blog search on Tata Indicom/ VSNL would help). It still remains a cacophony because the media is in no mood to raise an eyebrow against a money-studded juggernaut; all it can do is to interview the top man and ask for his opinion about the mess that a part of one of his many businesses is in! Consumers were mugged when they entered the VSNL post-paid internet shop. One wouldn’t expect to find so many unrelated people speaking the same thing unless they were all robbed off in separate circumstances by the organised crime gang of Tata - VSNL.
It was a few months back that one prominent politician expressed his anguish on TV over the way Mr Ratan Tata behaved in the corridors of power. “To ask for land is acceptable; but he demands one particular stretch of land from the Government, which is not right” he moaned, about Mr Ratan Tata. But the brand has become so powerful and integral to the way business is run in the country that no one really bothers to dig into these issues!
Rediff.com conveyed to its audience, mildly, that the quantum of land that Tata demands at Singur is a lot more than what may be necessary, given the scope of the operations that Tata says it has planned. It even compared the area with what Maruti Udyog required for a much smaller operation. And there is no need to be surprised if Tata, in its greed for power and land, tries to buy some people to have its way.
“The government supports us – and to pull out in this situation would not be appropriate”. It was something on similar lines that Mr Tata said in his interview to a private Television Channel. If the government opposes the Tatas on any other business proposition, would Mr Ratan Tata use a similar logic to the issue? “I know this project makes so much economic sense and is integral to the business plans of my company. But since the government has slightly different views on my business, I have decided to scrap it!” Mr Tata, would you take this stand on some issue if the government went against you? Or, you would, perhaps, try to buy your way to muffle the voices before they emerge out, wouldn’t you?
'No, if I believed that we are doing something wrong, then I would be the first one to pull out. If I believe, that this is being manipulated and turned around to meet some specious cause, then I think, what I would do is to dig my heels in,' he contended in the interview.
We sometimes get nauseatingly nationalistic, pathetically patriotic that we get emotionally attached to a brand that has risen above all odds to take Brand India to the international arena; a larger-than-life image that hinges very much to the ground-breaking revolutionary visions of a pioneer who is no more, a halo effect that has been transmitted and carried over to his next of generations, to someone who is merely a business man who is worried about his own wealth and his own company!
That most of what Tata does to the consumer is to rape him/ her and plunder him of his hard-earned money is obvious from the cacophony that came out of the blog world, with hundreds of victims of rape filing their FIR’s online. (For more details, a blog search on Tata Indicom/ VSNL would help). It still remains a cacophony because the media is in no mood to raise an eyebrow against a money-studded juggernaut; all it can do is to interview the top man and ask for his opinion about the mess that a part of one of his many businesses is in! Consumers were mugged when they entered the VSNL post-paid internet shop. One wouldn’t expect to find so many unrelated people speaking the same thing unless they were all robbed off in separate circumstances by the organised crime gang of Tata - VSNL.
It was a few months back that one prominent politician expressed his anguish on TV over the way Mr Ratan Tata behaved in the corridors of power. “To ask for land is acceptable; but he demands one particular stretch of land from the Government, which is not right” he moaned, about Mr Ratan Tata. But the brand has become so powerful and integral to the way business is run in the country that no one really bothers to dig into these issues!
Rediff.com conveyed to its audience, mildly, that the quantum of land that Tata demands at Singur is a lot more than what may be necessary, given the scope of the operations that Tata says it has planned. It even compared the area with what Maruti Udyog required for a much smaller operation. And there is no need to be surprised if Tata, in its greed for power and land, tries to buy some people to have its way.
“The government supports us – and to pull out in this situation would not be appropriate”. It was something on similar lines that Mr Tata said in his interview to a private Television Channel. If the government opposes the Tatas on any other business proposition, would Mr Ratan Tata use a similar logic to the issue? “I know this project makes so much economic sense and is integral to the business plans of my company. But since the government has slightly different views on my business, I have decided to scrap it!” Mr Tata, would you take this stand on some issue if the government went against you? Or, you would, perhaps, try to buy your way to muffle the voices before they emerge out, wouldn’t you?
'No, if I believed that we are doing something wrong, then I would be the first one to pull out. If I believe, that this is being manipulated and turned around to meet some specious cause, then I think, what I would do is to dig my heels in,' he contended in the interview.
The problem is, Mr Tata, you are not the sort of guy who would ever believe you did anything wrong. For you, everything is right as long as it brought you money.
'I'm the sort of person who if you put a gun to my head, you can pull the trigger or take the gun away, but I won't move my head,' he had quipped.
You would neither move your head nor would you move your heels, Mr Tata. But the fact remains that you suck blood and your skin has gotten real thick with it. Ms Banerjee’s gun might have had no bullets and the world knows it - there was just no need for you to be moving your head in a hurry! But it would not be too long before some small nail stuck to your roaring motors and punctured your tyres! If you are willing to read, there is so much of writing on the wall – reduce your speed and look into the rear view mirror to count the number of casualties you have caused. If you do not, there is no ivory tower and there may not be a bright future for your dynasty – nothing is built to last for ever!
You would neither move your head nor would you move your heels, Mr Tata. But the fact remains that you suck blood and your skin has gotten real thick with it. Ms Banerjee’s gun might have had no bullets and the world knows it - there was just no need for you to be moving your head in a hurry! But it would not be too long before some small nail stuck to your roaring motors and punctured your tyres! If you are willing to read, there is so much of writing on the wall – reduce your speed and look into the rear view mirror to count the number of casualties you have caused. If you do not, there is no ivory tower and there may not be a bright future for your dynasty – nothing is built to last for ever!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Power Play: Rules of the Game
It was the transit of the International Airport at Colombo. She was waiting for her turn to be called for the flight to Cochin. It was a long and tedious day after hours of flying and waiting. She was in her early thirties, tall, dark and beautiful. She tried to focus on the Grisham novel at hand, having an eye on her baggage. It was then that she was drawn towards the sudden hustle.
The flight to Chennai had been announced some time back. Chennai being her home town, she was thinking about her plans to meet her friends and relatives there as the announcement was made. So, she turned to look at the scurrying Airport official as he whizzed past her, commenting to his colleague: “The flight to Chennai was supposed to have left half an hour back; what the heck are they still doing?”
Her eyes fell on a group of five people – three men and two women – at the far end of the lounge, towards whom the officer was rushing with his colleague. It wasn’t exactly clear as to what they were doing there, but she could make out that they were in a hurry – and that they weren’t very comfortable in doing whatever they were doing. She felt that it was not a normal scene in an airport. She put Grisham aside, got up, pulled her trolley bag and started strolling towards the commotion there.
The officer had reached the gang of five and he was telling something – and he was clearly tense, as he was pointing towards his watch. The bearded man in the group seemed apologetic of something and was handling the officer, while another man was rushing things up.
As she walked closer, pacing slightly, she could see cartons of a popular brand of cigarettes being opened by the rest of the gang. They were being taken off the carton and were repacked – in 8 or 9 suitcases that were with the gang. She could see that the packets were covered in cloth and were distributed equally in all the suitcases. It was a lot of cigarettes. What were they up to?
As she walked faster towards them, the colleague of the airport officer noted her attention towards the scene. He turned around immediately and started pacing towards her. She knew that he was walking towards her. She wondered if she should act as if she was casually browsing through the lounge, but couldn’t really make her mind up. By then, he had arrived.
“Yes, ma’am, what can I do for you?”
“Well, nothing, I was just killing time strolling around and . . .”
“Would you please be seated in the designated areas? It would be better if you could oblige!”
His voice bordered on intimidation. It was almost a stern order. She could see from his badge that he belonged to Airline X-Air that she used to fly frequently in. And he was standing in such a way that he blocked her view of the commotion at the other end. Still, she could see that the unpacking and repacking were all but done by then and one of the women was now carrying the empty cartons towards the rest room. They were smugglers!
The woman came back, joined the rest of the gang that was now heading towards the Gate. And they left to board the Chennai bound flight, which was actually delayed, as she could see now, to take these smugglers in!
“Would you get to your seat ma’am?”
Her thoughts were interrupted by the impatient voice of the officer. The other officer who was with the gang was accosting her now. And she wanted no trouble in foreign soil. She turned back and walked silently back to the lounge. She could hear the two officers discussing something behind her back.
As she got back to where she was seated, still in shock at the cold blooded smuggling of cigarettes, with two abettors of X-Air, she felt more disturbed as a scene ran through her mind now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was at her port of origin the day before, in the Middle East, that she saw a man pleading with an officer of X-Air at the baggage check-in counter. She was awaiting her turn then as the man, obviously from the working class, and apparently getting back to India on his holiday, was pleading to take a small pack along with his baggage.
The officers at the counter were ruthless.
“This weighs more than what you can carry, my friend. Rules are rules! You either pay for your excess baggage or drop the bag here and proceed!”
After almost a quarter of an hour of argument in vain, the man took the bag back, walked with dejection written all over his face, with drooping shoulders, towards the garbage bin near her. He dropped the bag in the bin and went to the baggage counter, got his boarding pass and proceeded without looking back.
Curiously, she peeped into the garbage bin to see what he had dropped. And in the bin, she could see a father’s love, a husband’s affection, a part of a poor man’s dream. There were sweets and savouries and snacks almost filling the garbage sack.
As she looked for the man again, he was ambling with his hand baggage towards the security checks. And she could almost hear him desperately trying to invent a consolation for his family and kids as to why he couldn’t care to buy a single sweet or chocolate for them, getting back home after years of sacrifice!
Monday, December 11, 2006
A Call for Justice – and an unknownVoice!
I have been criss-crossing different places in the Southern States the past few days when a road-side banner caught my attention.
Banners and hoardings have become integral to the way of life of the Indian citizen. The day all posters and bills are banned by law would leave a feeling of vacuum in the minds of the commuter. Tough, it is, to imagine clean roads and white walls with no stickers whatsoever.
So, I wouldn’t really have expected to spend a post on a roadside scribbling. However, this one was different. It was not the regular “Long Live our Hero” kind of message, nor was it about the ‘call for rising’ by a political wannabe. It was not against MNC’s that affected the lives of the local manufacturers. It wasn’t even about India!
“Suspend the Death sentence to Saddam Hussein!” read the banner.
It occupied almost 10 feet in length and was bold, in colour, in block letters. It wasn’t attributed to any organisation in particular. There were no by-lines. It wasn’t addressed to anyone.
I was left wondering about the reasons that could have gone into the banner. Who was that supposed to be for? Was the International Court of Justice or the World Police, the United States of A, supposed to take note of it in a small town in southern India? Which organisations could have been moved by the sentence to the ousted Dictator? It didn’t seem to be from some Human Rights organisation – there weren’t obvious reasons for such an organisation to remain anonymous. The wordings were in local language – I have translated it in here.
If there were no motives behind the banner, was it merely a medium of expression of personal or organisational opinion? Was it being aimed at the casual commuter? What was it that was supposed to be achieved by that?
I could see no selfish intentions behind the voice. In fact, there just didn’t seem to be any intention at all! Is there something to be read in between the lines at all? Was it really writing on the wall?
Monday, November 27, 2006
Breaking News: The Great Indian Conspiracy!
India sits up and listens anxiously with eyes glued to the News Channels – the “Great Indian Tamasha” has begun! This festival has a speciality – no one knows when this would flare up, announcing its arrival on stage. One fine day, the average Indian wakes up to it and realises this is already underway!
This usually involves two main parties – and a lot of others jumping on to the bandwagon, cruising along in the spirit of the gala. One of the two parties is a permanent player and the other one is selected on a rotating basis. The permanent one: Board of Confusion and Controversy in India, the BCCI. The opponent that has decided to entertain the public this time around is the Parliament, also called the Body of MP’s, also known as the Body of the Mentally Perturbed. The two warring parties have joined hands to entertain the bored Indian citizen. In this gala, as per the rules, something needs to be held at stake. A “stake” is an object that is hit from one party to the other, very much like the Tennis ball hit vigorously between the courts. A very magnanimous Mr Greg Chappell has volunteered to take the role of the ‘Stake’.
The gala begins this way: The Indian cricket team (it is actually not a team but just a group of people working with totally incongruent goals aimed at maximising each one’s personal fortunes), which is basically composed of some boys picked from the side walks of different towns of India, fails miserably in the second One Day game. (The rain Gods of South Africa lent a badly needed helping hand to the yet-to-mature kids in the first game). As if to reconfirm the ‘team’s’ terrible state and to project an image of consistency, the kids buckled under absolutely no pressure to dig a trench all for themselves and settled comfortably in it, piling up one over the other.
That did it. The Mentally Perturbed hit the ‘stake’ and the stake gave a weird sound out on being hit, that let the billion dollar secret cat out of the Parliamentary bag into the open – that the MP’s were very good commentators and deserved to be travelling with the cricketing kids, rather than locking themselves up within the old, decaying walls in the Capital City of India. (What Harsha, Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri would do then if the MP’s took positions at the commentary box is a totally different issue altogether – Clearway would look at the issue at a later date in a special episode). Now, the BCCI, very true to its name, protects the stake on one hand, appeases the MP’s on the other hand and is actually confused on its third hand. Thus began the Great Indian Tamasha in South Africa!
However, there is a conspiracy to the whole issue that Clearway has unearthed with its Secret Intelligence Bureau! As in most detective stories, the culprit happens to be someone who has not been suspected at all, but one who was brutally hit earlier and is on an avenging spree! The culprit comes on the scene, but only along the sides and shows the least involvement in the proceedings to create alibi. And the culprit is . . . the former Indian Captain, Sourav Ganguly!!!
Clearway has learnt from totally unreliable sources that Sourav had a series of telephonic conversations with Master batsman (and Super Model) Sachin Tendulkar. From the records, Clearway has found that the two conspired to throw two people – the Indian Captain Rahul Dravid and the coach (the ‘stake’ in this case) Greg Chappell - out of the Indian team. Sachin has made the necessary arrangements in the ‘team’ so that they perform really badly (a not-so-difficult proposition for the Indian kids anyway) to put Chappell and Rahul in a spot. And when Chappell is busy facing the Mentally Perturbed, Sachin, with the rest of the team, somehow managed to get Rahul’s finger fractured (and how they did it is still being investigated by Clearway). With a fractured finger and a beleaguered team, Rahul is out of the competition now. That was the plot in Phase 1 of Plan A.
With Chappell cornered and Rahul out, it is child’s play to guess what Phase 2 is all about: Sachin has conspired with Saurav in making a grand entry of Saurav into the Indian team possible, this Festive Season!
Whether the twosome succeeds in their ulterior intentions, remains to be seen in the days to come.
Whatever the outcome, the Indian public is always at the forefront of any festival and the average Indian citizen is bound to benefit immensely from the proceedings. And as for the Mentally Perturbed, they did need something to keep them busy this winter – the Speaker of the Parliament (who so very often develops a sour throat shouting at the unruly gang in front of him) was always chiding them for sleeping and snoring on the floors. At least now, they have an opportunity to give their opinion to Television Channels. And having an opinion on Cricket is a basic criterion to be an Indian, after all.
For the sake of the average Indian, Long Live the Great Indian Conspiracy!
This usually involves two main parties – and a lot of others jumping on to the bandwagon, cruising along in the spirit of the gala. One of the two parties is a permanent player and the other one is selected on a rotating basis. The permanent one: Board of Confusion and Controversy in India, the BCCI. The opponent that has decided to entertain the public this time around is the Parliament, also called the Body of MP’s, also known as the Body of the Mentally Perturbed. The two warring parties have joined hands to entertain the bored Indian citizen. In this gala, as per the rules, something needs to be held at stake. A “stake” is an object that is hit from one party to the other, very much like the Tennis ball hit vigorously between the courts. A very magnanimous Mr Greg Chappell has volunteered to take the role of the ‘Stake’.
The gala begins this way: The Indian cricket team (it is actually not a team but just a group of people working with totally incongruent goals aimed at maximising each one’s personal fortunes), which is basically composed of some boys picked from the side walks of different towns of India, fails miserably in the second One Day game. (The rain Gods of South Africa lent a badly needed helping hand to the yet-to-mature kids in the first game). As if to reconfirm the ‘team’s’ terrible state and to project an image of consistency, the kids buckled under absolutely no pressure to dig a trench all for themselves and settled comfortably in it, piling up one over the other.
That did it. The Mentally Perturbed hit the ‘stake’ and the stake gave a weird sound out on being hit, that let the billion dollar secret cat out of the Parliamentary bag into the open – that the MP’s were very good commentators and deserved to be travelling with the cricketing kids, rather than locking themselves up within the old, decaying walls in the Capital City of India. (What Harsha, Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri would do then if the MP’s took positions at the commentary box is a totally different issue altogether – Clearway would look at the issue at a later date in a special episode). Now, the BCCI, very true to its name, protects the stake on one hand, appeases the MP’s on the other hand and is actually confused on its third hand. Thus began the Great Indian Tamasha in South Africa!
However, there is a conspiracy to the whole issue that Clearway has unearthed with its Secret Intelligence Bureau! As in most detective stories, the culprit happens to be someone who has not been suspected at all, but one who was brutally hit earlier and is on an avenging spree! The culprit comes on the scene, but only along the sides and shows the least involvement in the proceedings to create alibi. And the culprit is . . . the former Indian Captain, Sourav Ganguly!!!
Clearway has learnt from totally unreliable sources that Sourav had a series of telephonic conversations with Master batsman (and Super Model) Sachin Tendulkar. From the records, Clearway has found that the two conspired to throw two people – the Indian Captain Rahul Dravid and the coach (the ‘stake’ in this case) Greg Chappell - out of the Indian team. Sachin has made the necessary arrangements in the ‘team’ so that they perform really badly (a not-so-difficult proposition for the Indian kids anyway) to put Chappell and Rahul in a spot. And when Chappell is busy facing the Mentally Perturbed, Sachin, with the rest of the team, somehow managed to get Rahul’s finger fractured (and how they did it is still being investigated by Clearway). With a fractured finger and a beleaguered team, Rahul is out of the competition now. That was the plot in Phase 1 of Plan A.
With Chappell cornered and Rahul out, it is child’s play to guess what Phase 2 is all about: Sachin has conspired with Saurav in making a grand entry of Saurav into the Indian team possible, this Festive Season!
Whether the twosome succeeds in their ulterior intentions, remains to be seen in the days to come.
Whatever the outcome, the Indian public is always at the forefront of any festival and the average Indian citizen is bound to benefit immensely from the proceedings. And as for the Mentally Perturbed, they did need something to keep them busy this winter – the Speaker of the Parliament (who so very often develops a sour throat shouting at the unruly gang in front of him) was always chiding them for sleeping and snoring on the floors. At least now, they have an opportunity to give their opinion to Television Channels. And having an opinion on Cricket is a basic criterion to be an Indian, after all.
For the sake of the average Indian, Long Live the Great Indian Conspiracy!
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Why do blogs lack sting and bloggers, spine?
Coming to think of it, I feel people badly deserve strong doses of drugs that would induce them to think. The human mind is something that would go rusted and rotten if left unused for relatively long periods of time.
Blogs were discovered when inventors researched and found out that the creativity in the human brain would dry out completely and stereotype would become the world’s (inter)national anthem if there was not a medium of expression that was free of any inhibition. Web logs came to be man’s perfect means of speaking his mind. I could call people names, post porn, call for freedom, admonish the President, advocate homosexuality, condemn terrorism, preach free-trade, promote piracy . . . well, the choice is just endless, virtually.
So, why don’t people shoot it straight? Why the mask when the person himself is invisible? Why would someone want to fall in line with a stereotype so desperately, be absurdly ingratiating and make heroes out of molehills so timidly?
Some posts and their meek comments are plain ridiculous. Yes, this is a free world and you are free to do whatever you want to do. But then, why not do something that you really want to do? Whom are you trying to please? If you can’t talk straight virtually, what could be expected of you in reality?
Whatever you are, be just that. You don’t have to change the world – you can at least speak your mind. You will not be gunned down for stating your view; but there is no point walking around in your body if you are already dead.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Saving Lives: Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR)
I had the opportunity to attend a workshop on Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation. I was taking a walk when I chanced upon the board at a Day-care Centre for the elderly, which encouraged people to be “Life-savers”. The service is being run by Nightingales Medical Trust, Bangalore.
It was an exciting prospect to know what it would take to save lives. Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation – or CPR, as it is known – is about the first aid that is to be administered to people who suffer from sudden Cardiac and/ or respiratory arrests, when the victims’ hearts stop working or when victims are unable to breathe. This leads to cardiac arrest, which may eventually be fatal. The purpose of the workshop was to educate participants to resuscitate people who are sinking after heart attacks or heart failures.
The workshop lasted for a couple of hours and cost two hundred rupees. Given the potential benefit to people through the programme, the cost in terms of time and money was virtually negligible. Apart from the theoretical part of it (which was administered by practising doctors and was extremely informative), there were practical sessions where the resuscitation process was practised on mannequins that made participants get a feel of the nuances involved in the simple yet critical procedure. And the interesting aspect of the session was that practising physicians and medical students were part of the participants! That was not something one would expect to find in a session on first aid.
Given that anyone could fall prey to sudden cardiac attacks under any circumstance, I found it was absolutely essential that we need to be armed with these vital skills that may save lives in the precious moments immediately following heart failures. After all, two hours over a weekend could make a world of difference to someone.
It was an exciting prospect to know what it would take to save lives. Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation – or CPR, as it is known – is about the first aid that is to be administered to people who suffer from sudden Cardiac and/ or respiratory arrests, when the victims’ hearts stop working or when victims are unable to breathe. This leads to cardiac arrest, which may eventually be fatal. The purpose of the workshop was to educate participants to resuscitate people who are sinking after heart attacks or heart failures.
The workshop lasted for a couple of hours and cost two hundred rupees. Given the potential benefit to people through the programme, the cost in terms of time and money was virtually negligible. Apart from the theoretical part of it (which was administered by practising doctors and was extremely informative), there were practical sessions where the resuscitation process was practised on mannequins that made participants get a feel of the nuances involved in the simple yet critical procedure. And the interesting aspect of the session was that practising physicians and medical students were part of the participants! That was not something one would expect to find in a session on first aid.
Given that anyone could fall prey to sudden cardiac attacks under any circumstance, I found it was absolutely essential that we need to be armed with these vital skills that may save lives in the precious moments immediately following heart failures. After all, two hours over a weekend could make a world of difference to someone.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Marriage Portals: Mere Money Machines? In Focus - Bharatmatrimony.com
What’s your idea of a marriage portal? Cool? Friendly? Pleasant? Have you ever wondered about these adjectives, rather? Marriage portals can be obnoxious, irresponsible and dangerous! The portal in focus: Bharatmatrimony.com.
The profile of Mr X in Tamilmatrimony.com, a unit of BharatMatrimony.com was copied word-to-word by another member, Mr. Spurious. Clearway has evidence to this in the form of e-mail interactions with Bharatmatrimony.com where Mr X represented the issue to the portal and expected a response and some action. The first of such interactions occurred in the first half of October 2006. As of today, no action has been taken to bar Mr Spurious or to cancel his account.
Well, what’s the big deal about copying a profile? To put things in perspective, Mr X says he loves taking risks and he conveys the implicit message that he is honest in what he says about himself. And Mr Spurious says the same, using the same set of words. Mr X loses nothing when some stupid copy-pastes his profile. The loser would be the girl who trusts the profile of Mr Spurious as true and her family who arrange for her marriage with a fraud who steals words to project himself as a candid enterprising individual. If you were a parent or a guardian of a loving daughter, would you want to see her married to a rogue?
Clearway’s charge-sheet: Parents trust Bharatmatrimony.com with the lives of their kids when they post and browse for profiles of prospective brides and grooms. It is Bharatmatrimony’s responsibility to screen through profiles and prevent the cheats from luring women into the vicious webs they weave. Now that they claim to have entered some record books for the number of marriages that they have arranged for, it is a question worth asking if they really are worried about the Quality of marriages that they facilitate, as much as they do about the quantity. Perhaps, they believe in revenue rather than in sincere service?
If Bharatmatrimony doesn’t wake up from its coma and realise what’s at stake, Clearway will take every step to make sure the portal sits up and listens. And this is a message to every other irresponsible website that wouldn’t care any less for its patrons. A link to this post will be sent to Bharatmatrimony.com for its reference. Clearway awaits a response.
The profile of Mr X in Tamilmatrimony.com, a unit of BharatMatrimony.com was copied word-to-word by another member, Mr. Spurious. Clearway has evidence to this in the form of e-mail interactions with Bharatmatrimony.com where Mr X represented the issue to the portal and expected a response and some action. The first of such interactions occurred in the first half of October 2006. As of today, no action has been taken to bar Mr Spurious or to cancel his account.
Well, what’s the big deal about copying a profile? To put things in perspective, Mr X says he loves taking risks and he conveys the implicit message that he is honest in what he says about himself. And Mr Spurious says the same, using the same set of words. Mr X loses nothing when some stupid copy-pastes his profile. The loser would be the girl who trusts the profile of Mr Spurious as true and her family who arrange for her marriage with a fraud who steals words to project himself as a candid enterprising individual. If you were a parent or a guardian of a loving daughter, would you want to see her married to a rogue?
Clearway’s charge-sheet: Parents trust Bharatmatrimony.com with the lives of their kids when they post and browse for profiles of prospective brides and grooms. It is Bharatmatrimony’s responsibility to screen through profiles and prevent the cheats from luring women into the vicious webs they weave. Now that they claim to have entered some record books for the number of marriages that they have arranged for, it is a question worth asking if they really are worried about the Quality of marriages that they facilitate, as much as they do about the quantity. Perhaps, they believe in revenue rather than in sincere service?
If Bharatmatrimony doesn’t wake up from its coma and realise what’s at stake, Clearway will take every step to make sure the portal sits up and listens. And this is a message to every other irresponsible website that wouldn’t care any less for its patrons. A link to this post will be sent to Bharatmatrimony.com for its reference. Clearway awaits a response.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Blame the System: Law Makers Vs Law Breakers
Blame the systems. Yes. Blame them square.
It is human tendency to jump the queue. And where else would this be more prominent than in the roads, where commuters are not ordinary people but racers carrying the nation’s pride on their shoulders. Even those bikers and riders who somehow had all the patience to wait for the count-down of the traffic signal feel restless and totally out of place waiting idly as the numbers keep falling alarmingly in the single digits. 10: Engine on (those who had switched their engines off, that is). 9. Raise throttle. 8. Clutch and first gear (at one go). 7. Raise throttle and release clutch partially and close again so that the front suspension rises up vigorously and falls, all set to smash world records. 6. Move an inch. 5. Move a foot. 4. Move a couple of feet more. 3. Feet on the foot rest, vehicle in motion. 2. Gone! Hey folks, don’t we have 1, zero, then amber for a couple of seconds and then comes green when the throttle is sup…. Ssshhhh…which world are you in? The stone ages?
Well, that was a played-down version – normally, no one waits till 2. The sequence starts from 20 and is over by the time it’s 10 more seconds for amber.
But who is the culprit here? The bikers? The racers? The drivers? I blame the system!
In this same scenario, in the presence of a traffic constable/ police man, the outcome is not any different. The police play the abettor here. In most traffic signals, traffic policemen are visibly lazy. Can’t blame them anyway – would you want to keep standing at a place all day amidst a flurry of dust and smoke, watching floods of people go past with blaring horns? I certainly wouldn’t fancy that. Why should there be a traffic constable at all, when traffic signals are working just fine, in the first place?
Never mind the white shirts and the khakis. Then what’s the problem? The problem is that, becoming so bored at having been stationed motionlessly at one place, they start waving to the already impatient commuters to move on – even when the signal is still red – when they find a reduced stream of vehicles from the other side! They abet this behaviour of skipping the red signal! And they are the faces of law. In effect, the law says, “If you find a stupid red signal when there’s not a soul on the other side of the signal, treat the red signal as green”.
So, having been “conditioned” to keep moving in red, and because of a poor memory, our riders treat red as green even when some pathetic souls find themselves on the other side of the signal, forgetting the clause in the “law of red turns green”. The signal turns obsolete, cultured human beings become dogs scrambling for the piece of bone.
Uniformed men at traffic beats do this at every signal. One would suppose the system would have put them through an induction course and a training period of considerable duration for them to be familiar with Traffic signals and what a red coloured traffic light meant. Whether the system failed to tell the guardians of law that “Traffic rules need to be obeyed – period.” or whether the policemen failed to learn the lessons right or they forgot what they learnt, it ultimately becomes the responsibility of the system for letting traffic signals fail miserably.
How to blame poor citizens for a faulty system?
It is human tendency to jump the queue. And where else would this be more prominent than in the roads, where commuters are not ordinary people but racers carrying the nation’s pride on their shoulders. Even those bikers and riders who somehow had all the patience to wait for the count-down of the traffic signal feel restless and totally out of place waiting idly as the numbers keep falling alarmingly in the single digits. 10: Engine on (those who had switched their engines off, that is). 9. Raise throttle. 8. Clutch and first gear (at one go). 7. Raise throttle and release clutch partially and close again so that the front suspension rises up vigorously and falls, all set to smash world records. 6. Move an inch. 5. Move a foot. 4. Move a couple of feet more. 3. Feet on the foot rest, vehicle in motion. 2. Gone! Hey folks, don’t we have 1, zero, then amber for a couple of seconds and then comes green when the throttle is sup…. Ssshhhh…which world are you in? The stone ages?
Well, that was a played-down version – normally, no one waits till 2. The sequence starts from 20 and is over by the time it’s 10 more seconds for amber.
But who is the culprit here? The bikers? The racers? The drivers? I blame the system!
In this same scenario, in the presence of a traffic constable/ police man, the outcome is not any different. The police play the abettor here. In most traffic signals, traffic policemen are visibly lazy. Can’t blame them anyway – would you want to keep standing at a place all day amidst a flurry of dust and smoke, watching floods of people go past with blaring horns? I certainly wouldn’t fancy that. Why should there be a traffic constable at all, when traffic signals are working just fine, in the first place?
Never mind the white shirts and the khakis. Then what’s the problem? The problem is that, becoming so bored at having been stationed motionlessly at one place, they start waving to the already impatient commuters to move on – even when the signal is still red – when they find a reduced stream of vehicles from the other side! They abet this behaviour of skipping the red signal! And they are the faces of law. In effect, the law says, “If you find a stupid red signal when there’s not a soul on the other side of the signal, treat the red signal as green”.
So, having been “conditioned” to keep moving in red, and because of a poor memory, our riders treat red as green even when some pathetic souls find themselves on the other side of the signal, forgetting the clause in the “law of red turns green”. The signal turns obsolete, cultured human beings become dogs scrambling for the piece of bone.
Uniformed men at traffic beats do this at every signal. One would suppose the system would have put them through an induction course and a training period of considerable duration for them to be familiar with Traffic signals and what a red coloured traffic light meant. Whether the system failed to tell the guardians of law that “Traffic rules need to be obeyed – period.” or whether the policemen failed to learn the lessons right or they forgot what they learnt, it ultimately becomes the responsibility of the system for letting traffic signals fail miserably.
How to blame poor citizens for a faulty system?
Thursday, October 19, 2006
General Musharraf - The "Crusader" who was 'Humiliated'
Our “Friendly Neighbourhood” – No, not Spiderman – General Musharraf has apparently expressed “Shock and Disbelief” (or something on similar lines) at something that our ex-Primo Vajpayee had said.
For one, according to the General, there is “Freedom Movement” in Kashmir, which is no where near the definitions of “Terrorism”. So, he would appreciate it if the world looked upon Pakistan as a country that actively encourages and supports a “Freedom Movement” in its neighbour’s territory, perhaps? If the International Community chose to call the slaughtering of people a Freedom Movement, Musharraf wouldn’t shy away from owning responsibility for all the “Martyr Camps” that operate from inside Pakistan. Musharraf only supports Freedom.
Talk of Freedom in Pakistan. When was the last time that there was any talk of elected Government in there? For someone who crept his way to the throne, who is a self-anointed “President”, and who keeps talking of “Free and Fair Elections” in Pakistan while clinging desperately to the chairs of Dictatorship, statements about “Freedom” are Blasphemy to the very concept!
But one has to admit – the General does have a weird sense of humour. “Musharraf in his book ‘In The Line Of Fire’ has also said that both he and Vajpayee had been "humiliated" at the Agra summit in 2001 "by someone above".” For someone who is such a hot seat, his sense of humour does deserve a huge round of applause. But it leaves one wondering, as to who could be “above” the “President” of Pakistan and the Prime Minister of India! We were taught at school that these are the top most positions in a Nation. So, who could possibly be “above” the Chiefs of two countries? Could it be the Secretary General of the United Nations? Was he referring, by any chance, to the “Ultimate President” George Bush? Or, was he talking of “Lord Almighty” Himself?
Well, one possibility could be this: Musharraf and Vajpayee must have completed their talks at Agra and must have been waiting for their private aircraft to arrive. The Pilot of the plane, while about to land to pick them up, must have had problems landing and must have taken off and done a sortie just when Musharraf expected the plane to land. And the pilot must have landed a few minutes later, perhaps. Quite justifiably, the General must have seen this as an act of defiance and humiliation by the Pilot (and this could also have brought him some old memories flooding in). So, that’s it - both he and Vajpayee were humiliated at the Agra summit in 2001 “by someone above”, the Pilot! Yeah, this sounds plausible.
One wonders why this story was not reported in the media. Perhaps, the General, so used to suppressing the media in his home town, must have done something to prevent this piece from getting into the media glare. After all, he had every right to reserve some surprises for his “Line of Fire”. Who would buy a book, otherwise?
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Chickenmania
Justice delayed has, after all, not been justice denied. For once, the culprit has been brought to book and will be meted out what what was to have been done earlier. However, punishments to such crimes need to be prohibitive. Human Rights activists may be up in arms against supposedly “Draconian” laws, but then, as I would like to remind to anyone willing to listen, Human Rights are meant only for humans!
In other news, Dengue and Chikungunya are the talk of the town, with the authorities struggling to contain the outbreak. So much so, that anyone and everyone down with fever claims to have been affected with Chikungunya. It has come to be seen as a Fashion Statement of sorts. “Hey, I had Dengue last week, what about you?” “Dengue? You out-dated freak! It’s CKG these days man, I’m just walking out of it”. CKG has become synonymous with any fever, any mild rise in temperature or any pain that deserves a balm. It’s become the “Since I am suffering from CKG for the past two days, please grant me . . .“ kind of frenzy. I met an acquaintance who was making a public announcement - “I couldn’t make it to the party folks, I was down with CKG yesterday!” – bubbling with pride. I walked up to him. “So, which type of CKG have you been treated for?” He gave me a “Look at this silly chilly” look and said, “What are the different types?” I said, “There is the Chikun65 gunya, then the Tandoori Chikun gunya, the Chikun Biryanya and a few others still evolving. Which strain of virus is yours?” I left him with a dumb look in his face.
In other news, Dengue and Chikungunya are the talk of the town, with the authorities struggling to contain the outbreak. So much so, that anyone and everyone down with fever claims to have been affected with Chikungunya. It has come to be seen as a Fashion Statement of sorts. “Hey, I had Dengue last week, what about you?” “Dengue? You out-dated freak! It’s CKG these days man, I’m just walking out of it”. CKG has become synonymous with any fever, any mild rise in temperature or any pain that deserves a balm. It’s become the “Since I am suffering from CKG for the past two days, please grant me . . .“ kind of frenzy. I met an acquaintance who was making a public announcement - “I couldn’t make it to the party folks, I was down with CKG yesterday!” – bubbling with pride. I walked up to him. “So, which type of CKG have you been treated for?” He gave me a “Look at this silly chilly” look and said, “What are the different types?” I said, “There is the Chikun65 gunya, then the Tandoori Chikun gunya, the Chikun Biryanya and a few others still evolving. Which strain of virus is yours?” I left him with a dumb look in his face.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Falter, Fumble, Fernandes.
President Kalam is the most popular youngster in India. There has not been, as much as one could immediately recall, a leader who has moved the youth as much as this simple man has; at least, in Free India. A man who could walk up to the child and smile, a President who would fill the garbage bin with protocols, a down-to-earth intellectual, a kind teacher, an inspiring father-figure . . . to this generation, he is just “Cool”.
Why did George Fernandes have to drag him into the mess that politics is? Why should someone try to taint an honest man? Why could the politicians not keep to themselves? That the entire art and science of politics has been filled with ranks and files of manipulators, egoists, and downright self-serving egomaniacs is no secret. The few Institutions of Supreme Court and the President’s Office that stand tall amidst the rubble are nothing less than sacrosanct. If the bigwigs of politics, in their enthusiasm to pass the buck as they are so used to, try to paint a dirty picture with their filthy brushes, would a Nation sit and watch the show?
If Contempt of Court is an offence, what should an attempt to taint the President himself be termed? Should someone be allowed to get away with such a deed that was nothing short of a blatant lie for the world to see? George Fernandes should be remembered for setting a new low in public service.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Independence Day 2006
Things have been happening fast – in India, abroad and in a few other aspects as well that would keep me occupied for the near future. That is the reason posts in Clearway have become fewer and far between.
Blogs are beginning to be heard and are becoming louder in the media these days. As is said, the success of an individual is measured in the changes that he manages to bring about in the lives of others. The billionaire or the baron is as good as the particle of dust floating around with the wind if all that he has thought about is his own self and his kin. So can be said of Blogs – what change this Compulsive Expressive Disorder brings about in the lives of people and how powerful it is in enhancing living standards of those in dire straits would determine the success of this medium.
Independence Day Celebrations and the accompanying inevitable terror threats have given fodder for channels to conduct Talk Shows and surveys – “How vulnerable do you feel this Independence Day?” Heck, if we really had Independence, why would we feel vulnerable at all? It’s only when you think your fate depends on some other mortal that you feel vulnerable! Well, you have as much chance of having your head blown off by the Human Bomb as you have of tripping on a stone and suffering a fatal head injury or slipping off the exit while you emerge out of the plane that has just safely landed! You were born, you are bound to die.
Wishing fellow Indians a Great India soon on this Independence Day, Clearway takes a few days off Blogging. But then, as you know, the dusk always has its dawn. Let’s all live to see India flourish – and Humanity wake up to the reality of Peaceful Co-existence. Clearway will be back.
Blogs are beginning to be heard and are becoming louder in the media these days. As is said, the success of an individual is measured in the changes that he manages to bring about in the lives of others. The billionaire or the baron is as good as the particle of dust floating around with the wind if all that he has thought about is his own self and his kin. So can be said of Blogs – what change this Compulsive Expressive Disorder brings about in the lives of people and how powerful it is in enhancing living standards of those in dire straits would determine the success of this medium.
Independence Day Celebrations and the accompanying inevitable terror threats have given fodder for channels to conduct Talk Shows and surveys – “How vulnerable do you feel this Independence Day?” Heck, if we really had Independence, why would we feel vulnerable at all? It’s only when you think your fate depends on some other mortal that you feel vulnerable! Well, you have as much chance of having your head blown off by the Human Bomb as you have of tripping on a stone and suffering a fatal head injury or slipping off the exit while you emerge out of the plane that has just safely landed! You were born, you are bound to die.
Wishing fellow Indians a Great India soon on this Independence Day, Clearway takes a few days off Blogging. But then, as you know, the dusk always has its dawn. Let’s all live to see India flourish – and Humanity wake up to the reality of Peaceful Co-existence. Clearway will be back.
Monday, July 31, 2006
The Have's and the Have Not's: Protect your Head - Use the Helmet!
Issued in the interest of the general public by Clearway!
Traffic Constable: Hey, Stop . . Stop!
Bike Rider pulls up - looks at the TC.
Bike Rider: Yeah dude, what's up? Why did you want me to stop?
TC: Where's your helmet?
BR: Why? I lost it a few years back while I was on a picnic. Don't know where it is now.
TC: A few years back? So, you never bought a helmet after that?
BR: No. My daddy bought one for me but strictly instructed me never to take it out. It was a very expensive helmet and he was afraid I might break it if I fell from my bike!
TC: Do you know the new helmet rule that's on from today?
BR: There's no helmet rule, I have withdrawn my order.
TC: Huh? Your order? What do you mean your order?
BR: My name is the same as that of the Chief Minister of the state. And all is in the name. So, Im the Chief Minister of the State.
TC: Hmm, okay. But even in that case, we have not got any papers revoking the order from you, Mr Chief Minister. We go by the original order. You need to cough up a fine.
BR: Heh? You wanna have a showdown with me, the Chief Minister?
TC: See young man, the helmet is meant only to protect your head.
BR: Big Deal! Don't you see that it's my own individual prerogative to decide when and where to break my head? What's your problem?
TC: I think you dont watch movies. John Abraham always wears a helmet and he asks others to wear one as well.
BR: Mr TC, I have two reasons not to use a helmet. One, I did not have sufficient time to purchase a helmet.
TC: No Time? But in your own words, you were the one who gave the orders in the first place! And it has been more than a couple of months since your order came. Are two months not enough to buy one helmet?
BR: Buying a helmet is a long procedure. We need to advertise in the news papers and call for tenders, the tenders would have to be opened in a transparent manner and a source decided and the order awarded. And the most important factor is that the helmet must suit the shape of my head.
TC: Okay, so what's the other reason that you did not buy a helmet for, Mr Chief Minister?
BR: Well, the other reason is that I don't have anything in my head that I may have to protect. So, I have nothing to lose. It's like, if you don't have anything in your house, would you lock it at all?
TC: Yeah, that was obvious, the moment you said you were the Chief Minister merely because your name is the same as his name.
BR: Yeah, you are right. So, why should I pay the fine?
TC: I concede. You do not have anything to protect and hence you don't have to wear a helmet. But those who have something in their heads, should they not be wearing their helmets? Is it not your responsibility, as a Chief Minister, to show the way by example? After all, medical bodies have come to this conclusion after studying so many fatal head injuries. Why all this debate at all?
BR: That's because, we are conducting a survey as to how many people have stuff in their heads and how many people of the state have empty heads. We could not design a perfect test for that. So, the best way is to let people decide by themselves whether their heads are filled or empty. Now we know - those who wear a helmet are the "Have's", and those who do not wear one are the "Have Not's".
TC: That's great. So, you are a proud "Have Not". Congratulations Mr..
Traffic Constable: Hey, Stop . . Stop!
Bike Rider pulls up - looks at the TC.
Bike Rider: Yeah dude, what's up? Why did you want me to stop?
TC: Where's your helmet?
BR: Why? I lost it a few years back while I was on a picnic. Don't know where it is now.
TC: A few years back? So, you never bought a helmet after that?
BR: No. My daddy bought one for me but strictly instructed me never to take it out. It was a very expensive helmet and he was afraid I might break it if I fell from my bike!
TC: Do you know the new helmet rule that's on from today?
BR: There's no helmet rule, I have withdrawn my order.
TC: Huh? Your order? What do you mean your order?
BR: My name is the same as that of the Chief Minister of the state. And all is in the name. So, Im the Chief Minister of the State.
TC: Hmm, okay. But even in that case, we have not got any papers revoking the order from you, Mr Chief Minister. We go by the original order. You need to cough up a fine.
BR: Heh? You wanna have a showdown with me, the Chief Minister?
TC: See young man, the helmet is meant only to protect your head.
BR: Big Deal! Don't you see that it's my own individual prerogative to decide when and where to break my head? What's your problem?
TC: I think you dont watch movies. John Abraham always wears a helmet and he asks others to wear one as well.
BR: Mr TC, I have two reasons not to use a helmet. One, I did not have sufficient time to purchase a helmet.
TC: No Time? But in your own words, you were the one who gave the orders in the first place! And it has been more than a couple of months since your order came. Are two months not enough to buy one helmet?
BR: Buying a helmet is a long procedure. We need to advertise in the news papers and call for tenders, the tenders would have to be opened in a transparent manner and a source decided and the order awarded. And the most important factor is that the helmet must suit the shape of my head.
TC: Okay, so what's the other reason that you did not buy a helmet for, Mr Chief Minister?
BR: Well, the other reason is that I don't have anything in my head that I may have to protect. So, I have nothing to lose. It's like, if you don't have anything in your house, would you lock it at all?
TC: Yeah, that was obvious, the moment you said you were the Chief Minister merely because your name is the same as his name.
BR: Yeah, you are right. So, why should I pay the fine?
TC: I concede. You do not have anything to protect and hence you don't have to wear a helmet. But those who have something in their heads, should they not be wearing their helmets? Is it not your responsibility, as a Chief Minister, to show the way by example? After all, medical bodies have come to this conclusion after studying so many fatal head injuries. Why all this debate at all?
BR: That's because, we are conducting a survey as to how many people have stuff in their heads and how many people of the state have empty heads. We could not design a perfect test for that. So, the best way is to let people decide by themselves whether their heads are filled or empty. Now we know - those who wear a helmet are the "Have's", and those who do not wear one are the "Have Not's".
TC: That's great. So, you are a proud "Have Not". Congratulations Mr..
Friday, July 21, 2006
Meet the Fockers: Ban on Blogs
Mr Home Minister,
As far as this Blog is concerned, you don't exist. Nor does your Government which has had the guts to put a lock on my home, seal it without notice and then open the doors sheepishly as if nothing ever happened.
Where were you when the bombs were placed in Mumbai rails? Were you cuddled in the comfort of your Air conditioned rooms when hundreds lost their lives and loved ones? What do you plan to do to stop the next attack in the city? Or perhaps, was it the divine intervention that prompted you to block blogs so that no further attacks were effected? Do you have to guts to come over to my place and look at me in the face at this very moment?
You better not! I would make you feel sorry if you did that! Browse the net and see if you can get some tips on National Security. Take a crash course if you please. But never ever think of laying hands on my Blog! India prides itself on its Democratic credentials and on being Super Power material, whether they are facts or myths. Don't blow the cover exposing your weak underbelly. If you can't do your job, resign!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Post for Victims of the Tata-VSNL Conspiracy
They are the latest swindlers in town - and they have made a fortune out of others' money. Tata and VSNL are the twin names that stand for anything evil. They swindle, they rob, they rape - they do anything for money.
As the growing list of victims supports a case for the Government's Black-listing the Tata group, Clearway lists the contact details of Tata group obtained from the web in this post. For those who missed the action, details of the modus operandi of Tata Indicom Broadband Dons can be found in some of the previous posts:
Contact details of some commanders of the 'yet-to-be-banned' organisation are available here:
CMCS. V. Ramanan, head (corporate communications)
Indian Hotels, Raghunath Kale, director (internal communications)
Rallis, Annahita Kapadia, manager (MD’s office)
Tata Chemicals, Sujit Patil, manager (corporate communications)
Tata Coffee, C Jawahar
Tata Consultancy Services, Pradipta Bagchi, general manager (corporate communications)Email: pradipta.bagchi@tcs.com
Tata Elxsi,
Tata International, Shernavaz Colah, corporate communicator
Tata Motors, Debasis Ray, head (corporate communications)
Tata Power, Shalini Singh, assistant general manager
Tata Steel, Sanjay Choudhry, chief (corporate communications)
Tata Tea, Rashmi Mehta
Tata Teleservices, Suroor Hussain, manager (direct marketing)
Titan, Manoj Chakravarti, general manager (corporate communications)
Trent, Neeti Chopra, head (marketing)
Voltas, B. N. Garudachar, general manager (corporate communications)
VSNL, G. C. Banik, chief general manager (public relations)
Email: banik@vsnl.com
As you would have noticed, the only e-mail id relevant to VSNL is that of G. C. Banik, Chief General Damager (Public Relations). However, efforts to mail him have been futile - his mail box is already full!
So, dear victims of the Tata-VSNL conspiracy, do not hesitate; just shoot mails to any of the e-mail id's (preferably, each one of them) available. They are all from the same gang anyway!
PS. If any of you could get some more e-mail id's of the gang, please leave comments here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)