Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Mayawati Interview - See it First on Clearway!

Following the news about Mayawati's Multi-Crore Garland, Clearway, as usual, sent its Reporter to have an Exclusive Interview with the Iron Lady of India, Ms Mayawati. Since any news about Mayawati's Garland means a lot of currency, Clearway wanted to be the first website to publish an Interview with the "Queen of Garlands", the simple woman who fights for India's freedom from corruption and ignorance. The excerpts from the interview are presented here.

Reporter: Hello Mayawati ji, first of all, we wish you a very Happy Birthday.
Maya: But today is not my Birthday. Why do you ask wrong questions?
RP: But they presented you a garland made of money in the stage. So, I thought it was your Birthday.
Maya: Arrey, they give me money garlands daily. That was just one more occasion.
RP: Oh, sorry about that. But Mayawati ji, I have heard that you love your garlands so much?
Maya: Yes, this is just a way to make our workers work and at the same time, make their work easy. Two garlands in one neck!
RP: How is that?
Maya: You see, I give them targets for number of currency notes. So, they should first collect the amount. Then, whatever is short, they will print. And then, they have to make garland with money. So, this is work for party workers.
RP: Oh, ok. But how do you make their work easy?
Maya: Normally, workers have to go to the market to buy garland with money. Now, with money garland, they don’t have to waste time buying garland, they can simply make garland with money!
RP: Oh, Alright. But, you said your workers also print the money, is that true?
Maya: Ah! When did I say that? It was printing mistake . . . er, spelling mistake . . . whatever, slip of the tongue. And how dare you print what I never said? I never said workers print money. Don’t print wrong news about me!
RP: I’m sorry, Mayawati ji. I won’t print again . . . I mean, I won’t say that again. How did you collect all that money?
Maya: Good question. But a silly one that! See, we have supporters all over India. And our symbol is elephant. We erect elephant statues in all places, and people drop their donations in the elephant's mouth. Mostly, our party followers are villagers and they donate generously. So, we get donations and make garlands.
RP: But, during election, you said you would give good life for your voters. Now you say your voters give you money. How is that?
Maya: This is just a gift. How can I not accept gifts from villagers who give with so much of love?
RP: But what did you give them in return?
Maya: They give me love. Love is priceless. How can I give them something in return? It would be insult to love.
RP: There are many cases of amassing wealth in your name.
Maya: See, you can give only if you have it. Just now you asked me, what I have given them in return for love. How can I give them if I do not have it? That is why I amass wealth, so that I can give them.
RP: Where is that money garland now?
Maya: That is safe in a safe. I will use it for public welfare.
RP: When will you use it for public welfare?
Maya: I will use the money for fighting the next elections. When I get elected again, I will use the money for public welfare.
RP: But, why don’t you use it now?
Maya: I told you I have already used it. I bought a new safe with the money to keep the next money garland. So, both the garlands will be safe. The first one will be the safe, and the second one will be safe.
RP: Okay, got it. Why do you like elephants and have it as your symbol?
Maya: See, elephants have large mouths. Big mouths are good for elephants and for people. With large mouths, elephants eat whatever is available very fast. And with large mouths, people can keep talking. Big mouths eat and talk. So, I like elephants.
RP: Are you the next prime ministerial candidate?
Maya: Yes, of course. The elephant has already started walking towards New Delhi. And this time, I have ordered a medium size garland for Sonia ji also.
RP: Are you not afraid to take such big money garlands in public?
Maya: I am never afraid to serve the society. And if someone objects, I will send them a garland.
RP: One last question. That was a very expensive garland, may be a few Crores of rupees. How will you explain to the Income Tax people?
Maya: Simple. I earned the money and purchased the garland. Whatever money I had, I invested in the garland, because it was a very expensive garland – you yourself said that now. After I spend so much money in buying the garland, I have no money now. And the garland is safe, because, as I said, the garland is the safe. I bought the garland with the money, and then, I bought the safe with the garland. Now, the safe is safe, but I have no money. Without money, why should I be afraid of income tax people? And I have the next garland ready for Sonia Ji. So, I invest only in garlands. And it is not my money at all. I accept donations, but I donate garlands. Do you understand?
RP: Well, I think I have understood one thing. I will definitely vote for elephants in the next elections.
Maya: Good, So, why don’t you donate a thousand rupee note for my next garland? You can also write your name in the note so that I will always remember you, and serve you when I become elected again.
The Reporter Disappears!

Update: Read the second "Mayawati Interview" on the WikiLeaks / Julian Assange Revelations here 

Monday, March 08, 2010

Terrorism, Zero-Tolerance and the Iron Hand

I was confused to begin with, then, as I grew up listening to it, I got used to it. Nowadays, I find it rather funny. What exactly is this “Dealing Terrorism with an Iron Hand” or “Having Zero-tolerance for Terrorism”?

I was confused because I did not know, when I was young, what terrorism exactly was, except that it was bad and we should not tolerate. I got used to it later, because I found these statements following every terror attack in the country – the next time terror strikes, I used to think, I would hear this statement from the President or the Prime Minister of India. Now, I find it plain funny. What I would feel about it in the future? Irritating? Disgusting? Or would I find it too commonplace that I stop giving terrorism a damn thing?

A present, however, it is funny because it carries no meaning in the first place – I normally laugh when someone says anything that doesn’t mean anything at all! Then, the people who say this do not actually mean it – they just read it out of a written script. I find it funny because the script-writers have run out of imagination and creativity that they repeat the same words after every terrorist strike. Then, I find it funny, as everyone seems to say the same thing – that they have zero tolerance for terror. The Prime Minister, the president, the Home Minister, the Quasi-Prime Minister, and every other politician in this holy country of non-violence, make it abundantly clear that they will never tolerate terrorism, but they keep tolerating it, just as the buffalo would tolerate the vultures that feed on its wounds. Well, not that I compare anyone with buffaloes here, anyway – that was just an analogy that came to my mind.

But then, to think of it, what should the Government actually do, if its policy really is zero-tolerance to terrorism? It should beef up security, make its border security fool proof, be ultra-smart in intelligence gathering and sharing, never acknowledge anyone who Indulges in terrorist acts, and refuse to negotiate with any organization or institution or country that abets terrorism, as part of its overt or covert agenda. And a country that has zero-tolerance for terrorism should be prepared to face the consequences of terrorism with a brave heart and a drawn out sword, willing to sacrifice for what it believes in, without flinching or stepping back from what it stands for.

Terrorism is war declared by the terrorists on a nation – and when it is war, there will be pain. A country that has no backbone to bear the pains will never be able to deal with terrorism with an iron hand. And a country that has zero-tolerance for terrorism would not have let terrorists walk out of a hijacked airplane that was landed at Kandahar! If terrorists hijacked the plane, an uncompromising nation would have ordered blowing up of the plane along with all the innocent lives, whose fates were badly intertwined with that of the doomed terrorists. If terrorists want to negotiate holding a bunch of ill-fated passengers for ransom, the Government should refuse to acknowledge the terrorists – and challenge them to blow the plane into pieces themselves, or offer to do it for them!

Now, that would be dealing with terrorism with an iron hand; that would be zero-tolerance for terrorism. And if the Government had done that, there would not have been a 26/11 master-mind, who merely shifted the battleground – and its cannon fodder – from one place to the other, from Indian Airlines flight IC 814 to the Taj at Mumbai.

Terrorism cannot be fought against with zero casualties. When we have a dangerous neighbour, there is something better than living in fear – and that is to be ready to die with courage. Somehow, there has not been a single Government at power in the Centre in all these years of Indian Independence, which has shown the courage and the conviction to deal with terrorism with an iron hand, to have zero-tolerance for terrorism. And even as I write this piece, I find that it is not funny anymore – it is only pathetic. It is a pity that of all the people in power, over all these years, of the thousands of people who have only grown fat in politics, there has not been a single man who had the balls to deal with terrorism with an iron hand!

So, my dear terrorist, you may feel free to bomb the living daylights out of our country. Our politicians have all the tolerance you may expect from them for your terrorist deeds – and they would only deal with you with a feather touch, never with an iron hand.